Be aware of the effects of your tone of voice. Find a range of tones that your friends and family find comfortable.
The listener is always more sensitive and aware of the tone of voice than the speaker is. The more aware you are of your own tone of voice and the effect it has on the listener, the easier it will be for you to recognize when there is a change in your tone.
One way to become more aware of your tone of voice is to ask your spouse for feedback, by saying, “If my tone of voice ever distresses you, please point it out to me. And when you especially like a certain tone of voice, please tell me.”
-from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin’s book “Marriage” -p. 145
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People are sensitive to tone because, well, people lie, but tone reveals. Except for trained actors and sociopaths, most people have a lot of difficulty lying in their vocal production, although they can ‘tone it down.’ So perhaps better advice- better marriage advice, anyway- might be to be aware of your feelings when you speak, since these produce your tone of voice.
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